THE DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU AND ME DISAPPEARS WITH US.

“When men and women are able to negotiate their differences then love has a chance to blossom”

There is a generalized idea that Men and Women are different by nature, Men care more about competence, women about feelings. Recently I came across a book, I had an urge to give it a try,  its title “Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus” piqued my interest and I had this yen to communicate its key insights here.

Men and women think in a different manner. They have different emotional requirements and the way they communicate their ideas also vary. Once you hold on to this key concept and understand things from each other’s perspective, you will not only improve your relationship but also resolve many struggles that you witness from misunderstandings. 

Here is my favorite take away from the book.

One of the most substantial differences between men and women lies in their response to stress. Both men and women have the ability to tackle their problems in their own distinct way.

 Man goes into his shell

When a man is stressed out, he usually goes into his cave. He rarely talks about what’s bothering him, and only opens up when asked. When he goes into his private mindset, he usually becomes distant, preoccupied, and sometimes even let go of his relationship if unable to cope with stress. And only emerges out when he has found a solution.

As a man, it is very important to understand his own behavioral pattern, and scrutinize if he is transforming from a warm and loving person into a withdrawn or an unresponsive one. And try to make his female partner understand his ordeals if she feels neglected.

Ideally, a woman should understand that going into the shell is a necessary step for a man to deal with his stress. It is unfair on the woman’s part to expect her partner to remain positive, energetic, and jovial all the time. A woman should trust her partner’s ability to cope with the stress in his own way. And try to avoid offering him unsolicited advice.

 Woman reaches out

When a woman is under stress, she knows how to tackle her problems but she likes to talk about it in order to feel comfort from her stress. A woman is generally more emotional, she wants to talk about everything that’s overwhelming her so that she can sort through her feelings. She reaches out to closest to her. If her male partner right away offers her solution without a tinge of emotional support or feels attacked and assume she is blaming him for the problems. She feels her partner doesn’t care for her and the blame game starts to surface.

As a man, it is important to understand that a woman, while stressed is emotionally involved, talkative, and sensitive. In that situation, he should provide her immense emotional support along with a solution to her problem. She feels empowered when she has her man beside her. 

As a woman, it is important for her to understand that every person has his way of expressing love and support. She should welcome his advice and instead of taking misunderstandings into different dimensions she should resort to silence until the solution to her problems is found.

 

Men and women  use similar words and glean two completely different meanings.

It generally happens in an initial phase of a relationship and in some cases even after years of relationship, people fail to learn the language of their partners. 

Men talk to communicate facts and information, women talk to communicate feelings and emotions

Men, when talk, display succinct, and to the point ideas. Women try to generalize and use poetic language to express their feelings. For instance, Helly says “you don’t love me anymore!” Tammy gets angry and starts reminding her all the time he took her out and things he’s been doing for her. Tammy failed to understand that Helly didn’t literally mean it and that a woman uses this language to express her feelings and love.  Tammy had a long day at work he comes back, right away goes to his room and switches on the TV, and says nothing. Helly out of concern asks him if he is fine. Tammy doesn’t look at her and gives a stern reply “what could happen to me!”. She interprets his response as an attempt to invalidate her concerns for him. Helly must understand that Tammy is simply tired and he has no intention of hurting her.   

 The distance between you and your partner can be disappeared by understanding the above key learnings from the book. These take away is a generalized idea,  it may ring true to some of you and some of you might not relate at all with the ideas stated here. Do express your thoughts in the comment box.